If you are offended by potty language or shit talk (excuse the french nan and pop) then now is your chance to tune out!
How strong are your thighs? When was the last time you made time to do some squat thrusts? How good is your balance? How resistant are you to terrible smells? Well all these would come in handy when travelling South America.
A daily occurrence, for most people, is a trip once or twice to the toilet. Technically your body is designed to 'evacuate' every 30 minutes after a medium to large meal. However depending on the amount of fibre in the diet, the amount of water consumed and the regularity and type of exercise, healthy bowel movements should occur 2-3 times a day. This is not counting the times when stomach bugs strike (travellers stomach) or when you are eating particularly spicy or foreign food types.
Now with this in mind a clean toilet, a wad of toilet paper and a toilet seat can be considered closer to you than a good friend and more comfortable than a soft bed. These things, unfortunately, are a rarity in South America. In fact a toilet itself, in some places, can also be hard to come by. You often come to the point where it hurts to hold it in any longer, when you have finally found a toilet after hours of searching, you have paid the attendant $1-2 to get past, you bust open the broken cubical door (if it is actually there) and you find a 'toilet'. No seat, no paper, dirty and, wow, the stench makes you dry-retch. What to do, what to do? Here is when your strong thigh muscles, balance and ability to deal with smells comes in handy.
In 2005 the population of South America was 371,090,000, excluding travellers. Now if these people follow the rules that means each day a toilet is used 111 327 0000 times. You'd think that with this figure in mind the people would cherish the porcelain bowl! If you were of this mind, you'd be in for a shock.
So my advice for you would be as follows; Build thigh strength, B.Y.O toilet paper and soap, learn to hold you breath for extended periods of time and finally get in and (get it) out as quickly as possible.
Sorry to dump such a post, I just had to deposit my knowledge of South American toilets on this blog... Ok Ok no more.
In Argentina,
Mikey Fitz
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