Ghost Stories and Truck Drivers

Buenos Tardes.

Around 1840 in Argentina a womans husband was recruited in the army to fight in the civil war. Fighting difficult conditions, hunger and lots of men with guns he became sick. Upon hearing this news Delinda Correa decided she needed to be with her husband. Baby in tow Senora Correa followed the tracks of the Montaneras in hopes of curing her husband and avoiding becoming a young widow. It wasnt long though that she ran out of supplies and water and died in the San Juan province in western Argentina. It was days until her body was found by passing gauchos (farmers). The story that continues today is that the gauchos found the baby still alive suckling on its monthers ever full breast.

Word spread, slowly at first, but soon got out of control. At the suposed site of her death a shrine was built, soon the shrine drew a few houses, the houses grew into a village and then into a town. Today centred aournd the shrine exists the town of Vallecito, home to over 17 chapels dedicated to this miraculous woman. Stories bacame spreading of miracles performed by the ghost of Correa, saving truck drivers from burning wrecks and keeping lost children alive for days. On Easter Sunday over 200,000 people make their way to her shrine and ask for her help.

Officially she is not a recognised saint so technically she is a ghost. Left terribley thirsty and doing miracolous things for devotees.

In fact she is so popular with truck drivers they have made a shirne for her every 500km or so. To keep her working for them they leave a water bottle to quench her enternal thrist. They park, run over to the shrine, leave a water bottle, pray a little and then run back to their car and cruise at about 50km over the limit without lights down route 40.

To be honest in I was Delinda Correa I'd be pissed off. I'd be think DAMN I'm dead, I dont need the water now! If you are going to leave anything at my shrine why dont you make it cake or cheese, better yet cheesecake!

If you bit the dust and people were to leave something at your shrine, what would you like in the afterlife?

Keeping you awake with ghost stories in Buenos Aires,

Mike

Kiss Me If You Can!

Along with people playing with their ringtones on public transport, talking loudly in public spaces, public displays of affection (PDAs) are high on peoples list of pet hates. Why? Well I guess it could have something to do with being involved with other peoples interment moments or simply you think that making out in public is a little off putting because you are afraid that you look like that when you are passionately kissing someone. Any way you look at it, seeing a serious make out session or 'pash' in public gives you that awkward little feeling in your stomach and makes you look away as quickly as possible.

Well here in South America PDAs are not a problem in fact they are celebrated. What? How can you celebrate PDAs? It is easy to celebrate a PDA and South Americans are good at it, well the youth anyway.

Walking through La Paz can leave you feeling a little on edge, seeing semi naked people being wiped down by a missionary or seeing a beggar with serious illness mumble dispasionatly about spare change not only trying to hide his physical and mental illness but his guilt and shame as well. You may feel a little overcautious or scared but if you were to walk through Plaza Murrillo in front of the cathedral you may be overwhelmed by awkwardness and a need to flee as soon as possible. Benches lined from end to end of youthful people making out like they have never kissed someone and will never again. With over at least 15 benches in the park and space enough on each bench to fit 3 kissing couples you are looking at over 45 PDAs celebrated by under sexed over religious youth.

In Argentina you may feel pretty safe walking most streets. The people are friendly, the area is relatively crime free but be warned street corners, parks and plazas are prime sites of PDA awkwardness. Kiss kiss, breathe... pause... kiss kiss kiss. 'GET A ROOM' may fly through your mind and then it hits you. Catholic kids in a Catholic country have no where else to go to be together. Away from parent's prying and overbearing eyes these youths flock to the streets to get a taste (literally) of passion and dear I say it... sex!

With 71% of the population Roman Catholic,0 and a rather large percentage of the remaining Christian, these poor kids are doomed to a youth of PDAs and sexual frustration. Maybe a sexy salsa or tango session will help ease the pain but the only way to really bust out is to kiss someone in public as passionately or intimately as possible.

So if PDA are your thing enjoy them like South Americans, if not well be like me and look away, push down the awkward feelings and hope you don't look as awkward as they do when you kiss someone.

Ciao for now
Mikey

Spanish Directness and Inadvertant Political Incorrectedness

The Spanish language can be stunningly poetic, romantic and in some case beautiful. Certain phrases translated into English can leave you on the verge of tears or make you instantly fall in love with the speaker. Certain Spanish language phrases come to mind. A perfect example is how Spanish speakers say to give birth; dar la luz (to give to the light or give light) or I cried; Las lasgrimas me saliaron (the tears left me). Is your heart on the edge of it's seat? If it isn't you have a heart of stone!
Aside from having a poetic tongue Spanish speakers are allowed the luxury of being direct and not wasting words as 'fill'. Words such as 'claro' can be: sure, no worries, I told you so, sure thing, I knew it, don't you know it etc... This directness has come to lead to some very awkward and some funny moments throughout this little romp around Cuba and South America. The problem isn’t how the locals speak, it’s how it sounds translated. In Cuba a Scottish girl with Asian features was referred to as ‘chinita’ Little Chinese. In Mexico while playing Spanish bingo in the hostel the black man in the picture was referred to as ‘nigger’. In Columbia a Spanish girl referred to the arrival of black people in Cuba to an African American guy as ‘the nigger slaves were sent to Cuba...’ These phrases have continued to lead to pretty awkward moments. Awkward moments aside poorly translated hostel signs can be pretty funny too; ‘Please not make sex in dorm rooms’, ‘make party not make war’ , ‘please dip toilet paper in bin not water please’.
So if travelling in South America or Spain you’re guaranteed to cringe at poorly translated politically incorrect terms but don’t let this ruin your holiday. Roll with it and you can just roll right over it and put it down to language barriers claro!

In Mendoza drinking wine,
Mike

Snakes, Fridges and Bingo: A Survival Guide to Busing from Cuba to Argentina

The roads snake their way from Coast, through jungle, across deserts and over mountain passes. These sometimes treacherous paths link you to South Americas 'must see, must do' locations. If you decide to travel South America and are time rich and money poor than this is the mode of transport is defiantly for you.

If you decide that busing around South America is on the cards there are a few things you need to know if you are going to survive the trip without:


A. Going a little crazy

B. Losing some appendages from frost bite

C. Being caught with the very likely possibility of soiling your pants

D. Dying (in the very literal sense of the word).


However don't be afraid of these terrible 'maybes'. They are all quite easily (in most cases) avoidable. Just do the right thing and you'll be spared some of the most embarrassing or terrible moments of your life.


A. Going crazy is a very real possibility, especially if you are riding a bus from anywhere between 18-100hours. The real trick here is to have any entertainment device fully charged and set to battery saving mode well before the trip. Getting caught with a dead MP3 player only 2 hours into the trip is worse than forgetting to wear underwear while wearing itchy woolen pants. If you are one lucky enough to be able to read on the bus, well then, I hate you (with all the heart of my green eyed monster). Mastering 1 or 2 player games which don't require cards or dice can come pretty handy. For example poison finger (a game I invented which can entertain for hours if not make the other person go completely nuts in seconds). Choose one finger and make the other person choose all the other fingers you didn't initially choose, if they choose the 'poison finger' you win! (WARNING: Bus offered entertainment may include but is not limited to: Shinia Twain live in Chicago (2 times in one trip!), Ricky Martin live in Europe, the complete collection of Marcus Antonia Solis and terrible straight to video Richard Gear movies)


B. Imagine you step on a bus in tropical Cuba or Colombia and it is 38oC and humid as hell. It's so damn uncomfortable you spend all day sleeping to forget how uncomfortable you are. Then you step on the 17hour bus. Ahh! It's cool, it's nice, it's 17oC? Great! Maybe for the first five minutes. Frost bite on overnight bus trips is common. Come prepared with socks, sleeping bag, pillow and if you cant stand Richard Gear or Shinia Twain bring your ear plugs.

C. South American food induced stomach and bowel problems are high on the list of problems for all travellers trying to do something or get somewhere. There may be a time when at 6 in the morning, after eating a terrible dinner at 2am at a bus station, when you may be desperately needing the bathroom. BIG problem considering there is a queue AND the toilet is 'solo para orinar' (only for wee). Eventually you figure with horrifying desperation that your movements will be the consistency of wee and that if you don't get to the toilet than an underwear change WILL be necessary. What to do in times like this. Firstly always travel with a change of underwear and potentially pants. Secondly learn to meditate through the pains. Thirdly build certain muscle which help you hold the force of your bowel movements in, at least for the 3 or so minutes you will have to wait. If it helps imagine a little wizard standing on a bridge screaming at your bowel monster 'You shall not pass!'.

D. At 3am you drive past a crash, both cars have been up ended and there is a body lying in the middle of the road covered in a sheet. You realise that this could easily be you. In many South American countries drivers are reckless, they don't have seat belts fitted in the car, they don't drive with their lights on at night and often drive on the opposite side of the road to avoid potholes. Maybe you will ride a 'Diablo Rojo' (pictured above). These buses cruise Panama and are old USA school buses which failed saftey checks. Apparently without emergency exits this beasts are known to catch on fire from the engine at the front. This fire traps those in the bus and burns all alive without hope of escape. You can't stop thinking 'please don't kill me!' This is something you have very little control over. Be aware, wear a seatbelt, avoid dodgy roads (if possible) and don't sit at the front of the bus and lastly hope you aren't on the wrong end of any collision.

All this said, don't be afraid of South American buses. They are a great cheap way to move around this beautiful continent. Generally they are clean and comfortable and have (to date) got me everywhere I needed to be without problems.

Good luck Travelers,

Mikey Fitz in Buenos Aires

A crappy system; A survival guide to South American toileting

If you are offended by potty language or shit talk (excuse the french nan and pop) then now is your chance to tune out!

How strong are your thighs? When was the last time you made time to do some squat thrusts? How good is your balance? How resistant are you to terrible smells? Well all these would come in handy when travelling South America.

A daily occurrence, for most people, is a trip once or twice to the toilet. Technically your body is designed to 'evacuate' every 30 minutes after a medium to large meal. However depending on the amount of fibre in the diet, the amount of water consumed and the regularity and type of exercise, healthy bowel movements should occur 2-3 times a day. This is not counting the times when stomach bugs strike (travellers stomach) or when you are eating particularly spicy or foreign food types.

Now with this in mind a clean toilet, a wad of toilet paper and a toilet seat can be considered closer to you than a good friend and more comfortable than a soft bed. These things, unfortunately, are a rarity in South America. In fact a toilet itself, in some places, can also be hard to come by. You often come to the point where it hurts to hold it in any longer, when you have finally found a toilet after hours of searching, you have paid the attendant $1-2 to get past, you bust open the broken cubical door (if it is actually there) and you find a 'toilet'. No seat, no paper, dirty and, wow, the stench makes you dry-retch. What to do, what to do? Here is when your strong thigh muscles, balance and ability to deal with smells comes in handy.

In 2005 the population of South America was 371,090,000, excluding travellers. Now if these people follow the rules that means each day a toilet is used 111 327 0000 times. You'd think that with this figure in mind the people would cherish the porcelain bowl! If you were of this mind, you'd be in for a shock.

So my advice for you would be as follows; Build thigh strength, B.Y.O toilet paper and soap, learn to hold you breath for extended periods of time and finally get in and (get it) out as quickly as possible.

Sorry to dump such a post, I just had to deposit my knowledge of South American toilets on this blog... Ok Ok no more.

In Argentina,
Mikey Fitz

Spike the guinea pig

Did you have a guinea pig when you were young? Maybe you have one now? I did. His name was Spike, he had light brown fur with black spots and the biggest eyes you could possibly have on an animal that size. He was a cute little critter. He passed away in summer from over heating. It was a sad day when we found him still in his little cage dad had made for him.
How do you like your guinea pigs? Maybe you like them white with creamy spots, tiny with cute little bows tied in their hair, perhaps you like them warm and cuddly? No? How about deep fried or slow roasted over coals?
Thats right Peruvian fair has a guinea pig flair! As national dish cuy (Quechua for guinea pig) has become a highly important part of the Peruvian diet. Peruvians consume an estimated 65million cuy a year. The little guys are stripped of their hair and roasted, deep fried, marinated or barbecued.
Did I hear you say yum or was that a utterance of disgust? If you are like me and don't fancy eating a cooked rodent served to you in full (minus the stomach but including the brain and all other internal organs), then I'm sure it was the latter. But don't tut too soon at those who choose to eat these furry little animals. Domesticated around 5000BCE in the Andean region, they are easy to keep and breed as quickly as rabbits. They are cheap for families who can't afford to kill Betsy the milk cow or Alana the Llama and can be raised in urban environment. Apparently they are tastier than rabbit and creamier than chicken.
Now I'm sure your thinking, Mike you are a chicken for not grabbing a knife and fork and picking the meat off the tiny bones and enjoying this Peruvian dish. Maybe you are right.
Maybe next time I won't be so coy about eating cuy.

With love,
Mike

Lima, What can I get you?

Hola, buenos dias. ¿Quieras algo?

Driving around Peru's capital Lima is not without its advantages nor it's disadvantages. The smog soaked streets are difficult to navigate. You have to be pretty damn good to avoid suicidal pedestrians, old carts laden with fruit driven by the older folk of the neighbourhood, men moving a whole lounge set on a little trolley along the main avenue and the colectivos. The colectivos are mini-buses driven by mini-men with an inflamed tendency to leave their sanity at home before work. Shooting in and out of traffic like a hungry mouse in a maze, driven by the smell of the cheese, these buses hustle for their passengers. Normally so full, people are hanging out the doors for dear life, these buses are hard to miss for both the eye and for the slightly to heavily battered cars that cram Lima's streets.

Coughing your way though this traffic in a hot car can easily scare off the weary or easily spooked tourist. Do not fear though, the people of Lima have the answer, an excuse to hop in the car rather than walk or take a colectivo. Touts, vendors and jack of all trades.

Sitting in your car at a traffic jam or long red light will, without any doubt, give you the chance to buy, be entertained or at a minimum have a good chat with one of the many trying to make their money off motorists. Jugglers and mimes seem to be the main form of entertainment which weaves it's way between the traffic, although sometimes you see men playing the tin can and singing.

If you are short of anything, these people will either have it for sale or know someone very close by who does. A water bottle, water purification tablets, torches, gum, glue, chocolate, stationery, cookies and even, in some case, icecream.

Unfortunately due to the high levels of poverty in this overcrowded city, these people are desperate. Buying something may in some cases feel slightly more like charity with a perk. It becomes difficult to have to say no to people all the time. How much help and money can you actually give before you yourself are caught in a hard place. A question which I'm sure plagues more tourist than just me.

Of Peru's 29 million(+) population nearly 45% of people live below the poverty line, a daily sight on the busy Lima streets. With unemployment slowly climbing the locals have little option but to do what it takes to surivive in this rapidly growing city. The gut wrenching sight of Peruvians lining the streets in one of Lima's richest suburbs, Miraflores, selling whatever they can lay their hands on, does nothing to revitalise your faith in humanity nor in easily corruptable power hungry democratic systems.

So the purchase of a piece of gum, a pair shoelaces or a few nuevo soles (Peruvian currency) will not go astray. Enjoy the show and the snack and feel, if only a little, better as you make your way through Lima's energetic, living and breathing streets.

Besos from Lima,
Mikey Fitz